Cycle 47

Yes that’s how many cycles of chemo I have had. And they  don’t stop here. My treatment is successful meaning I stay on it indefinitely. And as I just told a friend, when I feel crappy that’s a complaint and when I feel well it’s good news.

Today, its a complaint. Nausea, bone pain and fatigue. Some post cancer depression and anxiety mixed in. A never ending future of this is overwhelming. I’m lined up with a psychiatrist at the cancer agency - Dr Know I’ll call her. She knows a lot. About cancer and depression. I’m also embarking on a healing journey with my friends at the Callanish Society.  That’s the group I have been on retreat with a couple of times. I’m going to do some art therapy and work with a counsellor there. If any group knows how to get a person moving forward after cancer, it’s Callanish.

This piece is called BROKEN HEARTED

I have very good news however. The last round of scans and bloodwork were good. I no longer look at reports (so I don’t read stuff into them) and my oncologist said all that’s left is a “nubbin of scar tissue.” I want to say that’s No Evidence of Disease (NED) but not quite. Maybe next time. My blood levels of cancer antigens are also within norms and my liver is functioning well. I’ve had the “best response possible” to my treatment. I am paying a price with side effects but they are still worth the outcome. I’ve been in treatment again for almost a year. It’s been 3 years since my first cancer diagnosis and my life feels like “cancer cancer cancer all the time.” I’m looking forward to moving forward soon. Please pray for this. 

March break recently flew by. Instead of hanging around and watching Jeff go up and enjoy all the powder then run to work I decided to take the kids to my sister’s in Northern Alberta. Pictures probably tell the story better….

Heres a daily walk with the dogs around the property checking out the old cars and far equipment and looking for the 5 cats. 2 of the cats would join us. We called Joey the Parkour cat - he would jump off anything - even the top of a tree!

 

A trip to the local pool with awesome water slide....

Time with family......it was wonderful to see everyone. The men were strangely missing from these big photos......

And what other way to spend time in northern Canada than ice fish. Drive right up onto the ice, dig a hole, make a fire, roast hot dogs, set up a tent with heater and make conversation while the only person to get any action is the one with the lucky pink rod!

In other news I no longer have my home care OT job to return to. I have been away from work too long and the contract allows my employer to post for a permanent replacement. This has been done already. Honestly, it’s broken my heart. I wasn’t really in the know when it went down. Without that job to return to I feel I am floundering. I know I’m not able to work full time any longer but I dreamed of being able to job share in my old position. That was my goal anyhow and looks like its no longer possible unless they create a new position. Which seems unlikely with the recent news of provincial transfer payments for health dollars being decreased dramatically. There isn’t a lot of health money to go around. IN the meantime I’m looking into providing a small program either as a volunteer or for very little money in concussions to those who have no insurance or money to pay for private services. Perhaps a role in prevention or early intervention.  So for now I will put my limited energy towards that. And otherwise try to live life like I’m semi-retired. That’s Jeff’s suggestion. As long as I remain on treatment I won’t be able to work full time or even enough to discontinue LTD. Luckily they will support me if I can work a few hours here and there. 

Perhaps its a good time to win the lotto….April has been my very unlucky month for a few years. It’s time to turn that around!